Bad Flash! I have so busy meeting deadlines and getting ready for Con’s that I have neglected to update the web site! *g*

http://igbophilia.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/ike-agwugo-m-i-am-tired-for-some-women-sha/

So lets see what has been going on personally lately….. Mom injured herself—stop that Mommy! I need you working for like…ever! *g*

http://www.ck-mag.com/2009/08/frustrated.html

Son had his Junior Prom—my baby was smooth, White Pinstriped tux, black hat, black shoes with white spats… the boy was beautiful! And we went stag. That seems to be a huge thing now a-days.

Getting Carpal Tunnel in my right arm. I am going to make a doctors appointment…today… if I can remember…. LOL

Den has a new motorcycle. The man went out for bread and came back with a bike! LOL It’s a huge bike. It’s a Rocket Three touring and boy does the man look fierce! *g*

Now… in writing… Gray was released! WOOT! Finally the God of Death and Chickens gets some love!

I am not going to Balticon. They screwed me over for the last time. So I am so sad not to see my friends, but I refuse to let myself be stepped on. I am an author, for goodness sake! I need panels in writing. I am not an odd chocolate female face to toss out to justify that the Sci-Fi world is changing. Respect what I bring to the table, and I understand that what I bring is relevant and timely. So I will go where people actually respect me and I am not treated as an afterthought. My Philcon budget just got bigger!

Doing panels at Dragon*Con! WOOT! This is going to be great! I can’t wait to hook up with my friends and have some fun. I’m brining the flasks of doom! Party time! LOL

Shelby the Wonder Sheep has arrived! It really is the book the publisher, Changeling Press, didn’t want you to read! LOL She has a Book Trailer and everything…

Shelby The Wonder Sheep

Shelby is live, and along with Heard Boy, is out to stop the evil villain Billy the Goat and his minions from dispensing his own brand of justice! Check Out Shelby here….

buy it now!!!

And I am getting ready for Lori Foster’s Reader Writer Get Together!

It’s a mere week away and I have been feverishly getting ready for it. I have proposals for new publishing houses, fun give-aways, panel discussions, and some pretty neat swag to hand out! It’s going to be EPIC! And I am riding up with a crazy cast of characters including…

Joy Harris from Joyfully Reviewed- green eyed and devious, Joys title should be Queen of Wickedly Reviewed!

Author PJ Schnyder- sci-fi and fiction romance writer extraordinaire- My Fluffy Puppy Bunny

Author Dana Marie Bell- romance writer and possessor of The Scooter of Destiny! I am going to get her rolling briefcase from her… it’s awesome

Author Camille Anthony- Yeah, Sandy is in the house! We are doing a panel on, God help me- e readers. I guess I have to learn how to operate that I pad real quick!

 

http://mdm35.wordpress.com/2008/12/26/the-reading-group-by-elizabeth-noble/

LOL So there you have it! I have been working my fingers to the bone trying to finish tentacle monsters—don’t ask, the next in the How Not To series, stuff to make my editor Irene Williams scream, and stuff to get me a few more publishing houses under my belt!

Talk to you soon, my darlings! Flash

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

Excerpt 2… Ever wonder what happened to Envy and Entropy’s father, Wrath? LOL Rated H for hilarity! LOL

Excerpt 2… Ever wonder what happened to Envy and Entropy’s father, Wrath? LOL Rated H for hilarity! LOL

http://changelingpress.com/product.php?&upt=book&ubid=1818

“I just –” Entropy stammered, looking at his mother with a desperate sort of longing; the same longing every child has when hoping Mommy has all the answers and will make it right… or at least come up with a soothing lie while she puzzled out the problem. “Just –”
In that second, Jealousy came to a decision. “It will be okay,” she reassured him. “Mommy knows what to do, even if he tries to kill me.”
“You don’t mean –” Envy stared at his mother in shock.
“Yes.” Her shoulders slumped. “It’s time to call your father.”
“But –” Entropy protested. “But you said he had to leave us, that there was no way he could stay!”
“There wasn’t.” Jealousy’s eyes shifted from side to side. “If he stayed, I would have killed the bastar — um, he had to go.”
“But go where?” Entropy wanted to know. This impotence thing sounded like a father type of problem. After all, his mother didn’t have a dick… at least he hoped not.
“He had to go away from me before I did him bodily harm!” Her eyes glowed bright green, then red, before she took a deep breath and calmed down.
“But we could never reach him, no matter how hard we tried.” Envy stood and walked across the room to confront his mother. “Where is he?”
“Someplace close.” Jealousy sighed, not knowing how her boys were going to take this news.
“How close?”
“Well, you know your father is basically immortal.”
“Like the rest of us,” Entropy added.
“But your father is a very strong Fae.” Jealousy stood and moved away from her sons. “All the anger and hate in the world just keeps him energized.”
“Yes…” Vee nodded in understanding, knowing about their seats of power.
“Well, he did something that gave me the strength to kick his red ass from here to the other side of human Armageddon.”
“Mom!” Entropy lurched up, staring at his mother in shock. “Did you manage to mostly kill Father?”
“If only.” Jealousy dropped into the couch and covered her face with one hand.
“Well?” Vee urged.
“Well, it’s like this. Your father and I were never truly mated, my darlings. We had a good thing going, and it never made any sense to rock the boat. I thought we were committed to each other but…”
“Mom?” Entropy asked when his mother fell silent.
“Well, I had just come home after a harrowing battle over some woman in some port town.” She paused and mused out loud. “Kind of reminded me of Peace. But I came home stinking of blood and sea salt, and I caught the bastard copulating in our bed… without me!”
“He cheated on you?” Both sons screamed, incredulous looks on their faces.
Even if Jealousy was their mom, she was still hot in a scary dominatrix sort of way. You would have to be a fool to cheat on her. The fear factor was just too high.
“In my new bed too!” She rose to her feet and glared at both of her sons. “Which is why I always preach sexual honesty to my children. Got it?” She fingered the whip at her side.
Her boys shrank back in fear, and Jealousy nodded once. Message given and received and understood.
“But — but…” Entropy went on. “But what happened to Father?”
“Well, I kind of buried him alive.”
“You buried Father?” Envy yelped, then jumped back as his mother’s glowing red eyes turned in his direction.
“You bet your sweet green ass I did!” she snapped. “And I buried that trollop that was screwing with him. Along with the bed, the bedroom, the bed clothes, the couches they sat on, the fireplace, the bottle of wine… the castle…”
“We have a castle?” Both brothers yelped in surprise this time.
“You’re probably too young to remember, but yeah. We have a castle… had a castle, at any rate.”
“And you knocked it down on top of Father and his lover?” Entropy asked.
“No, baby.” Jealousy took a deep, cleansing breath. “Were you not listening? I buried it.”
“The room… ?”
“The castle.”
“You buried a whole castle?” Envy took a step back from his mother, just to be out of immediate striking range if his question upset her.
“Well, I admit it may have been a bit excessive, but I was mad and exhausted at the time.”
“In anger and exhaustion, you buried our castle?”
“Well… I built this neat house on top of it.”
Envy and Entropy stared at each other in shock, before looking at the carpeted ground and then back up at their mother.
“What?” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s not like I murdered the red bastard.” She stomped twice to emphasize the last two words, and the whole building shook. “And Love came along, offering some kind words and… well, you know what happened then. I wound up with another lying bastard. Vibrators are much more reliable, boys.” She offered this sage advice solemnly.
“But…” Entropy protested, “but you said this sounded familiar.”
“Like a contract coming due.” Jealousy nodded to the thoroughly shaken Entropy. “And while I was away, it was your father’s department to handle contracts for you guys as his paternal right.”
“But I thought we had a copy of all familial contracts,” Envy said.
“We do,” Jealousy was quick to assure him. “In your father’s library in the castle.”
Both men groaned.
“Well, if you want to ask the red bastard, you can always dig him up. Not like he’s going to die down there.” She stomped on the floor again, shaking the mansion and undoubtedly letting their father know she knew exactly where he was, and she remembered the anger that drove her to put him there in the first place.
“Mommy?” Entropy wailed. “I need to know!”
“Fine,” Jealousy snapped. “Just keep in mind that this proves I would do anything for my children.”
“Who was he with, anyway?” Vee asked. “I mean… was it someone we know?”
“He was with Patience, that bitch,” Jealousy snarled. “And I hope to hell Patience got on his last damn nerve. Your father was never big on staying in one place for too long.” Then she looked over at her sons and smiled. “You two are the very best thing he ever gave me. It’s for that reason and that reason alone that I buried his tart with him. It probably kept him from going mad and gave him all the time he needed to get the fucking out of his system. God knows some days he needed the practice.”
“Mom!” Entropy wailed, covering his ears with his trembling hands. “That is something I just don’t need to know!”
“Who thought you would be a prude?” she groused, and then nodded once. “Okay, you red bastard.” She looked at the floor again, determination on her face. “Our son needs you. Time to let Wrath come out to play.”

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

Opps! I forgot the Hump Day Hump last week! I am soooo sooo soorrrryyyy! No? Not good enough? Okay! 2 humps this week! *g* Still love me? *g*

* Okay, from Gray, Remember Jealousy? Whoever is messing with her baby boy better watch out! LOL ,”

 

Entropy called out, shaking the dust of inter-dimensional travel from his black leather duster. “Ma! Where are you?” Instead of his mother’s dark, intense voice, he heard the deep, lazy tones of his brother. “Hello, little bro,” Envy called out, walking towards the front of the house. “Odd to see you here,” he added, tossing his long dark green hair to the side. “Is something wrong?” “No.” Entropy shuddered again as that stalking feeling swept over him. “I just needed some information.” “Well –” Envy tilted his head to the side, watching his brother’s eyes flash from black to green. “Maybe I can help you out. What do you need to know?” “Do we –? Can we talk about this somewhere else besides the front door?” Entropy looked over his shoulder and ran his hands up and down his arms. “What’s wrong?” Envy demanded, suddenly the concerned big brother. He gripped Entropy by the arm, pulling him deeper into the house. “You’re not acting normal, even for you.” Envy’s green eyes flashed red as he looked around the entrance to the house, wondering just who would be foolish enough to threaten his brother at the home of Jealousy. “No, it’s nothing like that.” Entropy looked lost and confused. “It’s just — I have this weird feeling, Envy.” Relieved that his scanning turned up nothing, Envy pulled his brother into the small den they used for family time. Their mother was big on family time and wanted all her boys to feel secure in the love she felt for them. “Talk to me, little bro.” Envy crossed his arms over his bare chest, quirking one eyebrow as he took a seat next to En. “Well, lately, there have been these… odd feelings, Vee. I don’t know how to explain them. My body is going through some changes, and it’s starting to do things it has never done before.” “You know…” Envy smiled, relaxing a little. “I thought we had the puberty talk about three hundred years ago.” That snapped Entropy out of his blue funk long enough to scowl at his brother. “Will you pay attention, dipshit? I am trying to tell you something here!” “Sounds like you need to get laid.” Envy’s face wrinkled in amusement as he ran his fingers over his shadow of a beard and the tiny soul patch beneath his full bottom lip. “You need to fill that arena you call a bedroom up with nubile young sprites and let nature take her course.” “I can’t,” Entropy mumbled. “Then you take them all to a hot spring and –” “I can’t,” he tried a little louder, but Vee apparently didn’t hear him… okay, chose not to hear him. “I have this wonderful lube I’ll let you have. Smells like cherry, tastes like chocolate and it tingles. You apply a little magic and –” “I said, I can’t!” Entropy shouted, stopping his older brother dead. “You can’t? What? Use the hot springs? Fill the stadium? Find several really good uses for the edible tingly lube?” “Fuck,” Entropy groused. “Excuse me?” “I can’t fuck!” “Whyever not?” Vee asked, suddenly all older brother concern and outrage. “Did someone give you something? Did they put a sexual hex on you? Who did it?” Suddenly he was on his feet, all towering seven feet of bare-chested, angry Fae. “I’ll make them regret the day their parents even thought of conception –” “No one did it.” Entropy ran his hands through his already ruffled hair, giving him an even more wild, desperate, kind of creepy, pervy look. “It just… happened.” “Nothing ever just happens,” Vee growled, rising to his feet and beginning to pace. “Especially things like this don’t just happen. Have you checked for any magical signature?” “Yes.” Entropy slumped in his seat. “And you found nothing?” “No.” “Did you look around your house for voodoo dolls and fetishes? And not the good kind of fetishes, the evil kind that make your dick limp and your pubic hair grow out of your nostrils.” “Yes.” “And there were none? Not even a hint of crushed mummy powder or eye of newt?” “Not a drop.” “Have you spoken to Mother?” “That’s why I am here.” “Damn.” Vee spoke in tones of shock and awe… and pity — lots of pity. “It just ain’t right, little brother, for a man’s dangly bits to just… dangle. Does Mom know what’s going on?” “I sent her a message,” Entropy sighed. “I kind of marked it urgent too. I figure if anyone can figure out what is going on, Mom can.” Vee nodded. If there was anything they all were sure of, it was that their mother would move Heaven and Earth for them. They each thought of their mother, the woman who had raised them herself, without much help from their vagabond father. She planted flowers, gave donations to several human as well as Fae charities, and knitted baby blankets for the homeless when she had free time from her job and volunteer work. She was even being nice to Love and Peace now… not starting any major conflicts that needed their help so the warring family could take time out and work on their trust issues. She was a veritable saint among the Fae. But then the door slammed open and the sounds of rushing feet rose from the front of the house. “Entropy!” they heard their mother call out. “Entropy, baby, where are you?” She sounded worried and more than a little fearful. “Mom.” Entropy rose to his feet and turned to face the door… Only to have it explode into a thousand little red hot, flesh searing splinters. Entropy leapt into Envy’s arms as an ear-splitting shriek and a sonic boom heralded the painful destruction of the door. “Who the fuck is hurting my baby?” As the dust cleared and their coughing began to taper off, they caught a silvery gleam in shadowy light. There was an odd hissing, then the unmistakable sound of the crack of a whip. The air was suddenly perfumed with the scent of flowers, cinnamon, and vengeance, underlain by a unique and expensive perfume called Green Witch, a scent made for only one woman. Next came the screaming of a thousand tortured souls, the horrific shouts of the damned forced into servitude by the harsh taskmaster who made them pay for their slightest wrongs. The air suddenly felt thick, the pressure building enough to explode eardrums. The tension mounted as they both got a good look at… Avenging Mother Jealousy, complete with thigh-high vinyl master-me stiletto boots, a tight, lace-up leather cat suit in emerald green, several Floggers of Justice, the cuffs of Didn’t, several Hand Grenades of Maternal Instinct, the Belt of a Thousand Ass Whippings, and a pair of Mother’s Helpers Chain Mail Whips (all trademarked) that sang in the air like a well rehearsed boys’ choir before the emperor. “Who did it?” she roared, her green eyes glowing red as she surveyed her two shocked sons. “Who dared harm my babies?” She completely ignored the strange sight of Entropy clinging like a startled monkey to his brother as her gaze scanned every inch of the room, looking for any miscreant who dared to lay a finger on her boys. “Mommy’s home, boys,” she snarled, finally acknowledging the horrified yet happy looks that graced her babies’ faces. “And Mommy will take care of everything!”

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

This Thursday is Fae Day! Are you prepared?

As you all know, Thursday is Book release Day! WOO HOO! And this Thursday, Changeling Press is going to be dropping Gray, the long awaited continuation of Pink.

So I thought I would take this time to talk about male fairies.

Uh no…. More like…

http://mansouled-fiery-islands.blogspot.com/2010/11/male-fairies.html

Yeah, that’s the ticket I want to punch! I mean, just look at him! He sparkles in all the right ways! LOL

But there are more to the male fae than good looks, killer abs, and a need to run around half dressed. Well, they do in my world anyway!  Alright! I admit it! I can be a tiny bit of a perv when it comes to them, but really, there are many schools of thought about the male fae.

In some cases, it is believed that we don’t see a lot of male fae, not because I locked them all up in my basement, but because opposite of male animals in nature, the male fae disdains ostentatious displays. They prefer camouflage, and to blend in with their surroundings. They make a perfect weapon and distraction that way. Really, let the females go out and draw the attention with their bright colorful displays. While everyone gaping in awe, they are free to get up to whatever mischief they desire. And what better bodyguard is that than one who can’t be readily seen? Its sheer genius! And it adds to the legend that it is the females who like to exercise their curiosity by invading the mortal world. The males are content to watch and shake their heads at the insanity. Kind of like taking a man show shopping. He may stand back and watch the women fight over the seventy five percent off designer shoes, but he just ain’t wading into that fray, no matter how many sexual tricks you offer them as an enticement. Voice of experience, here. So they are seen as the more cautious gender.

And there are cases where what humanity considers grotesque, the male fae takes pride in. Oh, you grew another wart on the end of your nose. And you like it? Mold spots are a sign of virility? Oh! You grew a third eye in the back of your head! How… cute! It seems the fae have that content of your character and not your appearance down cold. They believe really that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and if your soul is ugly, no amount of fancy dress wings you grow is going to change that. As my Mom used to say, Beauty is only skin deep, Ugly is to the bone. When the beauty fades away, the ugly lingers on. True words.

But what about our Celtic fae? I have to mention them. My last name is Burke after all! So lets start with the Granddaddy, and I do mean Grand Daddy of them all, The Green Man. Eternally old, eternally youthful, he is celebrated at Beltane and his images can be found in churches, in public buildings all over Europe. He is a traveling man, as shown by how many times his image pops up in Borneo, Thailand, and a lot of Pacific Islands. He gets around.

But what does he do?

Well he is considered to be the representation of the wilder more elemental sides hidden within us all. He is considered the embodiment of god, the perfect consort to the goddess. He is the bridge between our conscious minds and our unconscious desires. And he is one hell of a gardener too, as he is associated with the cultivation of healing herbs. This guy has a serious green thumb. He is also considered a major part of death and rebirth. He is also a partying guy. They hold winter festivals to him all over Europe and the US where he is called to rest for the season so he can come back stronger and greener in the spring. See? Not all fae come with wings.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Celtic Legends and SIGH… Finn McCool!

Now those beloved often-misunderstood Celtics had a lot of fae in their lives. The aforementioned Green Man comes to mind first. They had fairies for their house, fairies for their gardens, fae to predict life and death, fae for the harvest, fae for the woods… you see where I am going with this, right? There was a lot of Fae Life in the old Celtic lands. But they also had a warrior class known as the Fianna, a fierce army named after and belonging to, you guessed it, Fin MaCool. They are immortal, they are rough and ready, they kick the crap out of giants, and they are sleeping until a time that they are needed again.

Some people say that Finn McCool and his Finneian Army are warriors without measure because they are fae. I like this idea. I love my men…big, buff, warrior type men all ready for action. Sure they would probably outlive me, but I always wanted a May December romance… and Den tells me that just because he is one year older than me, our relationship doesn’t count. So I can dream of the Finneian Fae!

Hey Aisa? Time to step up with the magical beautiful Tennin. You may have to climb to the top of a mountain to find one, but it is more than worth the tri. As with all fare, the Asian fae can be good or bad, they can trick you into doing something that you will regret later or they can assist you when you want. Tennin is but one classification. You have to check out the Oni, the Tengu, the Yokai… Like the Celts, Asia has come up with a whole crop of fae for every occasion. There are almost too many of them to try and classify! That would just take up too much time.Let’s just sit back and gaze at the Bishonen Beauty (Bishonen, Japanese for a very pretty boy) instead.

I love a fae in red! And in green. An in bluish whitish purple!


I could go on and on some more, but lets just gaze at the pretty pictures. 


When all is said and done, the Fae world is pretty fascinating. Every culture has them, they come in a wondrous variety, and some of them are hot as fire!  Not to mention you can spend hours checking out their legends and tales. Everyone loves a fairy.Oh! And I almost forgot! How could I forget the Gamer Fae?! Link, I finally am in love with you again! Ditch Zelda and come with me! ROTFLMAO

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

Time for Your Rated R Hump Day Hump!

It’s time for YOur HUMP DAY HUMP! WOOT!
Dropping this Thursday from Changeling Press, The long awaited sequel to Pink… I give you Gray!

http://changelingpress.com/product.php?&upt=book&ubid=1818

Chapter One

“I am Alothos, God Of Death and Chickens! I have returned!”
“Mmm, yeah, baby. Touch me there!”
“I said, I am Alothos, God Of Death and Chickens! I have returned!”
“God, Pink! Touch me harder! Harder, you big pink fucker! Push a finger in! Eat it till there ain’t no more!”
“I am — for God’s sake, people! Can you stop this office free-for-all fuck and pay attention?”
Cali shot up in her chair, dislodging her lover, who let out a faint, “But I’m still hungry, Cali.” Her fingers left deep grooves in the top of the back support of her plush leather executive chair. She tried to force her eyes to focus somewhere in the vicinity of an annoying sound.
“Cali!” came the complaining voice from underneath her desk. “I was not done yet! I get an hour for lunch, and I still have plenty of cherry flavored whipped cream left! Now spread your legs, Chief, the clock is ticking!”
“Pink,” Cali called, her voice reedy with amazement. “I think you need to see this –”
“But I like the view here.”
“Pink!”
A pastel pink head popped up, pushing her chair back even more. His damn near perfect body rose from beneath the desk, placing his lover’s legs back on the arms of the chair.
“Cali!” Pink growled. “I was about to go for the brass ring! And then I was going to rim you before I got my dick all wet with — Sweet Tatiana!”
“Huh?” Cali was still a bit dumbfounded by what she was seeing, so much so that she never even noticed that one breast with its reddened nipple was on display over the top of her most favorite bra — or that the red flavored popsicle Pink was using as a makeshift dildo had fallen to her newly installed extra plush beige carpeting.
“Holy crap!” He gasped.
Holy crap indeed, because there in the middle of Calita’s office was nothing short of a phenomenon of ultra ridiculous reasoning, a disaster of idiotic, universal proportions.
There was a huge stone throne decorated with the yellowing, sun-bleached skulls of the apparently conquered. It stood, cold and massive, radiating nearly visible waves of icy fear. Chained before it, complete with spiked metal collars around their necks, scratching and snorting steam, were two huge, gargoyle-like chickens the size of pit bulls pulling guard duty.
Several tall candelabra surrounded the throne, burning black and purple candles that emitted the smell of lavender and coconut. From somewhere, a low, menacing soundtrack played, adding a touch of the macabre to the gothic scene. And seated on the throne, the likes of which had never been seen by mortal eyes, was — a short, white-haired man with glasses, wearing an Armani business suit and holding a cell phone in one hand.
“Now that I have your attention,” he intoned, a Barry White voice coming from this small, conservatively dressed man, “I am here to inform you I have returned, and I seek what is rightfully mine.”
“Um… who exactly are you?” Cali managed to gasp out, knowing that somehow Pink had to be responsible. Of all the things she had endured since making the acquaintance of her lover, this had to be one of the most absurd and freaky. “Again?”
“Alothos! Alothos! Alothos! God Of Death and Chickens here! Gods, are you people deaf as well as oversexed?”
“Um, sorry?” Cali offered as she dropped her legs and tried to straighten out her skirts. Pink fully emerged from under her desk, his cock still slightly erect and hanging from underneath the folds of his bunched-up lace-and-tulle skirt.
“As you very well should be, human! You’re holding up progress here!”
“Oh!” Pink suddenly clapped. “I remember you! Uncle Al!”
“As you should, little sprite.” The man sighed, running one delicate looking hand through his long white hair. Funny, but that long, oddly colored hair should have made a joke out of that custom-made suit, but it didn’t. The color combination made him look more like a spokesmodel for Calvin Klein’s next strange ad campaign.
“You’re Al! Big Al! Unckie Al! What are you doing here?”
Pink’s wings began to flutter in joy as he bounced in place, his pink eyes shining in delight.
“Pink,” Cali asked, tugging his skirt into place over the relaxing bulge of his dick. “Who exactly is that?”
“This is Uncle Al!” Pink cheered, pointing and making the giant chickens peck and growl in displeasure.
“Al?” Cali asked again, face wrinkled up in confusion.
“Alothos!” the man screamed. “God Of Death and Chickens and about to add impatience and pigs! Don’t you people learn anything in school anymore?”
He rose to his feet, and Cali discovered the man was not only just about her height, but he was possessed of a set of massive purple and white wings and a heart-tipped purple tail that swayed impatiently behind him.
“You guys are all into color coordination,” she mused, rising to her feet, wondering where her thong went. “And I thought I told the rest of your family to make an appointment to see you, Pink. Will these surprise visits never end?”
“Oh,” Pink explained. “Al is not really family, Chief, though he is an uncle to me.”
“He’s not?”
“God of death and destruction, as if you didn’t hear me the first five times I screamed it!” the man snapped. His eyes, strange, solid black orbs with a purple pupil, narrowed in anger. Small flashes of electricity snapped around him, and the air seemed to still, as if in anticipation of a good slaughter.
“So if he ain’t family, then who is he?” Cali stared at the man, snapping chickens and all, and for the first time felt a small bit of apprehension. She really wished she could find her foundation garments. This was looking more serious than his family’s usual shenanigans.
“He’s Chaos’ betrothed.” Pink bounced faster, sending a faint sprinkling of dust into the air.
“Oh.” Cali slowly shook her head, trying to ignore the headache she could feel brewing. “Okay, so why is he here?”
“Oh.” Pink stopped bouncing and looked over at the irate male. “Why are you here, Uncle Al?”
“About time you remembered me,” the man groused, slumping back into his chair. “And I am here because it is time.”
“Oh,” Pink murmured, and then grinned. “Oh! Great! I love mating!”
“Mating?” Cali snapped. “Who… what the hell is going on?”
“Uncle Al is here to get married!”
“Married?” Calita sank into her seat, oddly enough mimicking Uncle Al in his chair, before opening her drawer to look for her stash of aspirin. “Okay. I can deal with that. Marriage is normal. Who is getting married?”
“Uncle Al!” Pink rolled his eyes. “Weren’t you listening, Cali?”
“Who is he marrying?” Cali snapped, shoving aside some condoms, lube, and several small containers of ginseng as well as several pairs of spare underwear. Great. She needed some. Now if she could discreetly slip a pair on –
“Entropy! Chaos is getting married!” Pink looked exasperated. “I just said that. Listen to me. Entropy is getting hitched!”
* * *
Somewhere in Manhattan, a flock of sheep appeared out of nowhere to clog up traffic. An ice sculpture in Boston depicting birds in flight came to life and headed south for the winter in April. In the Atlantic Ocean, a shark about to feast on an unaware surfer suddenly decided seaweed would be a much more nutritious choice. In Baltimore, a bunch of Maryland blue crabs revolted and began to steam the fisherman who was trying to catch them. In the nation’s capital, several state senators joined AA, and somewhere in the Midwest, a scientist on the brink of discovering cold fusion and solving the nation’s energy crisis suddenly decided to create a light beer that not only was less filling, but actually tasted great.
And in the middle of limbo, Entropy jerked upright in his bed, waking up in a cold, fearful sweat. “Feels like someone walking over my grave.” He shuddered.
“God,” Cali whimpered as she slouched further down in her seat. “I hate Mondays.”
* * *
“Do it, Uncle Al!” Pink begged prettily, his voice wobbling, as he turned on the canine persuasion, complete with puppy-dog eyes and pouty lips.
“You’re too old! I don’t…” Al looked down at his nephew from his throne, tossed his cell phone aside, and rose to his feet. “All right, you little imp!” He sighed. “I could never say no to you.”
“Yeah!”
Cali shook her head as she watched her pink-haired lover revert to a three year old at a gesture from this white-haired, short-statured God Of Death… and Chickens. “Do what?” she asked, leaning forward. “You’re not going to set those things loose, are you?” She eyeballed the muscle-bound chickens with something akin to disgust as Pink rose to his feet and clapped at his uncle’s agreement.
He had been petting the feathered, freaky things, cooing to them as if it were perfectly normal to have fanged, testosterone laden, silver-taloned attack poultry chained to one’s throne.
“Now! Now! Now!” Pink chanted, clapping his hands and sending colorful showers of lust dust over the evil-looking birds. It almost made Cali regret the baked chicken she’d consumed for lunch… almost.
“They had better not start humping the floor,” she grumbled to herself as Alothos stepped off his platform and descended to the carpet like the rest of the mere mortals in the room… okay– like her. Again, she was taken with how short but genuinely menacing Alothos appeared, especially with the whipping tail. That was a bit of devil lore one wouldn’t expect from the Lord of Chickens.
“Only this time, Pink,” the deep bass voice grumbled. “And only because it’s you.” Before Cali could ask again, Alothos raised his fisted hand, extended his middle finger towards the heavens, and wiggled it. All at once, raucous polka music filled the air.
“Yeah, Unckie Al!” Pink clapped, and Cali nearly fainted as the terrifying God of Death and Chickens wiggled his tail and proceeded to do the Chicken Dance.
With his hands imitating a chicken’s beak squawking, his arms flapping like the flightless bird, and his legs bending at the knees, making his rather pert butt and scary tail wobble to the beat of the music, the God of Death and Chickens tossed aside all pride and sense of decorum at a moment’s notice to make his nephew smile.
Maybe he wasn’t such a scary guy after all.
“All right!” Pink bellowed just before he ran over to stand beside his uncle, leaving the chickens to ineffectually hump at each other and the stone throne, his long pink skirt twitching as he too began to dance.
Cali, her sexual desire languishing unto death, watched her lover descend to the level of a two year old and pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt another major headache coming on.
But she had to admit, Pink and Uncle Al looked rather cute wiggling and clapping together, doing that inane dance. Too bad the rest of his family wasn’t like his mother’s side, and she included Al in that group because he was engaged to Chaos. She groaned as she felt the fates laugh, those capricious bitches! She knew, just knew, that somehow this little visit was going to turn her ordered little world around once again.

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

It’s time for you PG 13 but hilarious Hump Day Hump!

Time for the totally innocent and extremely funny rated PG unedited excerpt from the upcoming Shelby the Wonder Sheep.. from Changeling Press… much to their dismay! LOL Meet the Villin, Billy the Goat! ROTFLMAO
Meanwhile…in America’s Heart Land….

Okay, not really. But in the wilds of West By-God-Virginia, there lurks an individual so heinous

<<<Gulp, spit, hiss>>>

so hideous, so twisted by fates and destiny…

“Baaa—“

Um, twisted by fate and destiny, so depraved and rotten…

“Baad! This is bad! No! This is not right!”

So… I thought there was only one sheep in this story!

<<<Narrator peeks into the secret hideout, the Barn of True Rebellion and>>>

“Baaad!”

Oh Dear.

“Why?”

William R. Trishaw sneered as he stared at his bank statement. It had to be wrong. It should not be in negative numbers!

“Leah?” he called out, his voice cracking with confusion and some anger. “Have you ever heard of something called a Z-Cube?”

William ran his fingers thought his tangled mass of gray curls and turned his square shaped pupils to the skinny teen flopped across his couch staring balefully at a TV set.

As a matter of fact, everyone who was currently in his abode was flopped somewhere like his place was a sort of downscale hostel for unwanted young adults.

Leah he loved dearly, but the girl was a leach. Sure she was one of the best mechanics to ever to hold a wrench, but the measly amount of time she actually spent in the garage did not explain the exorbitant food bill she managed to rack up.

And for all his troubles in boarding the at risk girl, all he had to show for it was an espresso machine that brewed three times faster than anything on the market. Which would be fine and great, a marketable product, if only one could understand the over four dozen steps you had to run through in order to get one decent cup of coffee. Ion free water? What the hell was that anyway? But you had better have some or the espresso machine would self-destruct in less that thirty seconds with the force of ten pounds of plastic explosives.

And there was Villie, who had the most god-awful Transylvanian accent. She was a promising intern in the field of genetics and Toxicology. But the only poison she manage to develop involved a brand of ecstasy that had little side effects and lacked the dangerous little side effect of roasting the users from the inside. That would be marketable to al kinds of research facilities, cure for depression, a treatment for post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, or even a new designer drug with an insanely high street value. But no. Villie’s great experiment made the user grow feather. Yes, big hawking green and purple feathers. And they were permanent in most of the lab mice she tried it on. There was noting better than waling into your lab after a hard day of scheming and villainy to see a parade of high purple-feathered mice hopped up on designer ecstasy. Not even really great espresso dancing through your veins could prepare you for something like that.

William had sworn that someone had drugged him with some hallucinate until Villa came in and excitedly sprayed him with the news.

Between wiping off spittle and the explanations why human trials would probably not be a good idea, William had once again almost reconsidered becoming a master villain and a purveyor of mayhem in his town.

And there was Larry.

There were no words to describe Larry. He just was.

How on earth one of the sexiest guys he had ever met was so afraid of human contact that he had to turn to inorganic love from his legions of fem-bots was beyond him.

Larry was about six feet of naturally muscled god wrapped up in golden skin and beautiful green eyes.

Larry had shaved himself bald, a look that showcased his perfectly symmetrical head and gave him a Youl Brenner in his heyday sort of swarthy mystique.

His voice was deep and mellow, enough to cause panties to peel and boxers to tent…

Unless he was screaming and running away in fear when someone got to close, or God forbid, touched him.

It was a complication in poor Larry’s life and he had tried to overcome it by creating a series of more and more life-like androids.

They walked, they talked, they moved, and apparently they fucked like a dream without any hassles of that real human being thing that drove Larry into crying fits of fear and agony.

It was bad for Larry’s personal life, but great for design and development… if Larry allowed him to sell any of his girls.

Yeah, Larry was a bit of an OCD pack rat. He had every model he had ever completed stored in perfect working condition, and he named them all Doris. So at any given time, three or more Dorises could surround him at any given moment.

How they all knew to whom he was referring to when he called him was beyond him, but Larry could have revolutionized computer tech if he actually allowed anyone to see their programming.

So Larry was content in his room of Doris, walking Doris, Doris’ with no legs, Doris’ skeletons in every stage of completion. There was Black Doris, White Doris, Latina Doris, Samoan Doris, Barley Eighteen Doris, Doris the Cougar, Doris in her prime twenty five to forty age bracket. There was forever pregnant Doris, which he found creepy as hell, lactating Doris, Doris with missile boobs, which he found strangely erotic. There was lesbian Doris, Transgendered Doris, Androgynous Doris, and Hermaphrodite Doris who had to possess the most compelling personality chips of them all. And then there were the bodyguard Doris’ in several fashion races and hair colors.

They were all filled up on Doris and Billy was just about sick of them all. Well, all except for the maid Doris, the chef Doris programmed with La Cordon Bluer recipes. He wanted an accountant Doris but William didn’t trust Larry the Letch that much. Accountant Doris would probably have a set of cooked books just to throw him off while she pilfered what little money he did have for her creators benefit.

That was one thing about the Doris’; they were loyal unto the death to their creator.

William envied that. His own minions were next to worthless.

William sighed again stared at his statements. These people he chose to help were a bigger drain on his income than all of his evil plans put together.

Maybe it was time to give up being evil?

Yeah, he thought. It was time.

He had blown through this months allowance already, stupid trust funds. And there were at least fifteen days before he would draw his usual ten thousand for the month’s living expenses.

It was expensive keeping Leah in TV dinners, Villa in exotic herbs, and Larry in Android Babe from Japan spare android parts.

It was time to go legit… right after he drove into the city and made arrangements to pay off this overdraft.

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

I have asked and have been given answers! It seems that a lot of people would like a ree read. *g* Who am I to argue! I love a free read! So because you wanted it, here we go! A paranormal contemporary that you can help plot! It’s time to play with the snow cat! *g* I’ll write it with impute form you all. Sounds good? Awesome! So here we go!

 

 

Frost Bitten

 

Frost Bitten

 

Damn, she knew how to touch him right!

The feel of her hot hands, those caressing fingers, sent fever hot tremors through his body.

He sighed as a wet tongue followed the trail of those fingers, across the tightly corded muscles of his stomach to the trail of hair that started just above his navel.

“Yes,” he muttered as he felt her tongue travel through his hair to lap at the base of his cock, making the eleven inches rock hard and pulse at her skilled touch.

She drug her tongue along the shaft, leaving a moist wet trail that her fingers firmly massaged into his skin as her hand fisted around his length.

The first puff of air on the hooded head caused streams of precum to roll out of his slit to be eagerly lapped up and savored.

As soon as his body registered this delicious sensation, his whole head was engulfed in the wettest hottest mouth that he had ever encountered.

“Gods,” he gasped as the skilled tongue began to run around his glands, to ease into the silken hood of his uncut cock, to tease the sensitive head inside.

“Mmm,” She purred as she began to suck.

He shuddered at her actions.  It was a pleasure bordering on pain!  She raked her nails across his back, combining the burning with the cool caress of her touch.

Again and again she raked her nails, tearing and rending…

Wait!  This wasn’t right!

He tired to move, but suddenly, his hands were slammed against a wall, strong hard hands holding him in place.

He opened his mouth to protest such treatment, but a blinding pain so sharp struck his body that it left him mute and gasping for breath.

He opened his eyes and saw….

The same chamber, the same stone wall, the same manacles holding him in place.

“That was fun,” a female hissed from behind, in his ear and then he remembered in stunning clarity.

He was not in the bed of some pleasurer, he was being held captive in this hot place.  And he wasn’t experiencing joy at a skilled woman’s hands, he was experiencing the after effects of the drugs she had forced into him.

It wasn’t all a dream; it was reality.  And it wasn’t over yet.

 

***

“Kill me now!  Please, for the love of the gods, kill me now!”

His body lashed, warm blood dripping down the numerous open wounds on his back, Dazz hung against the wall and muttered for death.

He would never give his captors the pleasure of hearing him scream, so he muttered silently to himself.

His people had the ability, when overwhelmed in a situation that would prolong their suffering, to will their bodies to shut down, but his innate ability was failing him.  He just didn’t have the strength left.

He forced his tumbling legs to hold him a bit longer; to keep the weight off of his broken wrists, as he tried to muster up the will to extinguish the flame of life that flickered within him.

HE rested his head against the cold slimy wall, drawing some strength from the coolness of the stone, before he again closed his eyes and willed himself to death.

“What shall we do now?  He is no fun anymore.  He is broken!  I want another one!”

His body stiffened at the sound of that petulant female voice, but he soon regretted it.  At his movement, pain thundered through his body, almost knocking him off of his feet to dangle naked by his ankles, but he managed to keep upright.

Tears filled his eyes, but he would not let them fall.  He was a warrior, unbroken as yet, and he would retain his honor until he could die according toe the dictates of his people.

“I told you not to whip him so,” another tired voice answered.  “He is the only one of his kind here and too rare for your rough games.”

The older tired voice belonged to the Namny, the protector of the pampered female who held him captive.

“Well, I want another one!”

The petulant younger one was the Princess Elois, Empress of fire, his people’s mortal enemy.

“You can’t have another one,” The Namny sighed, loosing patience.  “He was sent here to end the feud and become your life partner, Princess.  That you have drugged him and tied him to the wall for some of your gentler sport will not sit well with his father.  Now you must leave him to heal.  When you father discovers what you have done….”

“But he will not, will he Namny?”

Elois’s voice took on a sinister tone as he felt her step closer to him.

“Princess….”

“We will just tell my father that he took ill here and died before the ceremony could be completed.  The war will end and I will have Hyatar, whom I desired to mate with all along.”

“But to kill him, Princess!  He is innocent!”

“His kind are never innocent, Namny.  They are born guilty and filled with lust and hate.”

“But….”

“No more, Nanmy.  I will have what I want, his people will have the peace they desire, and he is an acceptable loss. After all, how important can he be? He was gifted to me.”

Before more could be said, there was a loud gong.  Time for the evening meal and a respite from his torture at the hands of the she-demon.

“At the meal, I shall inform father that my future partner took ill and that it is serious.  It will be believed because his kind never deals well with the heat.  And tonight, I shall have a final bit of sport before I finish him off.  I may even keep a choice part or two, Namny.  Although he is so cold to the touch, some parts of his body will be worth the effort to keep.”

Dazz stilled an involuntary shudder, still feigning unconsceinceness so that the women would leave him in peace.

As soon as the door closed, he opened his eyes and turned his head to survey the room.

There had to be a way out of this!  His body refused to let him die, so he had to find some other route of escape.

But he saw the same thing, the bare stone walls and the light stone the illuminated his dungeon.

It was hopeless!

And to think that when he saw the black eyed beauty that would be his mate and bringer of peace; he was overwhelmed by his good fortune.

With long flowing red hair and tall muscular frame, Elois seemed the perfect mate for a warrior prince, sure and strong, honorable.

Those hopes were dashed as he was given drugged wine that very night and awoke manacled to this chamber wall.

AS soon as he gave a sign of conscienceless, his true torture had begun.

Now standing here, his back a ribbon of torn flesh, both wrist broken, his ears clipped and his tail smashed, death still seemed his only hope of escape.  He just prayed that he could muster the strength before she started cutting parts off of his body.

As he braced for pain and tugged at the cuffs holding his hands above his head, the door opened and soft footfalls made his mutilated ears flutter.

“No one deserves this,” a voice muttered and the old face of Namny filled his vision.

“Free me,” Dazz hissed, his almond shaped green eyes blazing with what life was left in his body.

“I can’t!”  Namny looked terrified as she saw the struggling form of the Snow Cat who would have wed her charge, The Princess of Fire.  His silvery white hair was now dull and lifeless as his shattered tail as it stuck to the open wounds on his back.  His breathing was labored, as her mistress kept the torture chamber extremely warm by Snow Cat standards, thought it was perfectly suited for her kind.

“Then kill me.”

She stared steadily into her eyes, his eyes never wavering.  He was ready to end this existence and find some peace in the blankness of death.

“I can’t” she whispered as she hung her head in shame.  What had caused her charge to become so…evil?  No one should suffer like this.

“Then free me!” he demanded again.

“They will catch you, kill you.”

“Then I shall die an honorable death in combat!  Not hanging on the wall like a slaughter beast of prey.”

Namny struggled with herself, with her loyalty to her mistress and her sense of honor that had been well and truly tainted.

Finally, looking over her shoulder fearfully, Namny walked over and uncoupled the cuffs that held him bound to the wall.

Dazz groaned and hissed as his arms dropped like stones to his sides.  They were dead for now, but he knew that the returning feelings would make a peaceful death seem more pleasant.

He felt his knees tremble, then pressure as an arm wrapped around his shoulders and held him upright.

“There is a portal around in the next room,” Namny whispered as he began to lead him form the room, mindless of the blood that soaked through her robes.  “I will take you there and you need only speak of the place you wish to go.  Instantly, you will be taken there.”

“How can I repay you,” Dazz whispered as he fought to move one foot in front of the other, to keep from falling on his face.

“Live, warrior.  Live and do not let yourself mistrust all females for what my mistress has done.”

“My father will more than likely retaliate.”

“As is his right.”

“What is your name, so that you may be spared bloodshed?”

“Namny,”

“No, your given birth name.”

“It’s been so long since it’s been used,” she mused as she eased the chamber door open and led him down the hall, peaking around each corner as they moved.

“What is it, so that I may know my savior, not some generic title.”

“Clo,” she whispered, a smile caressing the age worn lines in her face.  “Clo the fair.”

But then she became silent as they moved throughout the halls of the lower castle.

After a few twists and turns, and at one point hiding form the guard, Clo and Dazz found themselves at the transport chamber.

“I cannot accompany you inside, warrior.  But all you have to do is whisper your destination and you will be taken there.”

“What will happen to you?” Dazz asked, as he began to feel the first sighs of life returning to his arms.  He knew that the small tingles would grow larger and turn into an itch.  Then the itch would become a red-hot flame that would all but remove any thought but agony from his mind.

“Maybe she will kill me.  Maybe she will never know.  I am too old to care.”

That said, she opened the chamber and pushed him inside.

“Fare well, Young Warrior,” she said as she urged him inside.  “May your heart find what it seeks.”

“Peace, Clo the fair.  Nothing more than peace.”

That said, he entered the dark chamber and uttered one word as the tingles became an itch and burning pain was not far off.

“Home.”

Then his world went black.

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

Are you ready for You Hump Day Hump?! This one is an unedited Rated R snippit from my upcoming release, Gray, Pink’s older brother… coming soon from Changeling Press!

Got lost in fan girling for a moment! *G* Are you ready for You Hump Day Hump?! This one is an unedited Rated R snippit from my upcoming release, Gray, Pink’s older brother… coming soon from Changeling Press!

“Do it, Uncle Al!” Pink begged prettily, his voice wobbling, as he turned on the canine persuasion, complete with puppy-dog eyes and pouty lips.
“You are too old! I don’t…” Al sighed, looking down at his nephew from his throne, tossed his cell phone tossed aside, and rose to his feet. “Al right, you little imp!” he sighed, “I could never say no to you.”
“Yeah!”
Cali shook her head as she watched her pink haired lover revert to a three year old at a gesture from this white haired short statured god of death and… chickens.
“Do what?” she asked leaning forward. “You are not going to set those things loose, are you?” She eyeballed the muscle bound chickens with something akin to disgust as Pink rose to his feet and clapped at his uncle’s agreement.
He had been petting the feathered freaky things, cooing to them as if it were perfectly normal to have testosterone laden fanged and silver taloned attack poultry chained to ones throne.
“Now! Now! Now!” Pink chanted, clapping his hands and sending colorful shower of lust dust over the evil looking birds. It almost made Cali regret the baked chicken consumed for lunch… almost.
“They had better not start humping the floor,” she grumbled to herself as Alothos stepped off his platform and descended to the carpet like the rest of the mere mortals in the room…okay– like her.
Again, she was taken with how short but genuinely menacing Alothos appeared, epically with the whipping tail. That was a bit of devil lore one would not expect from the Lord of Chickens.
“Only this time, Pink,” the deep bass voice grumbled. “And only because its you.”
Before Cali could ask again, Alothos raised his fisted hand, extended his middle finger towards the heavens, and wiggled it.
All at once, raucous polka music filled the air and a lively tune began to take shape.
“Yeah Unckie Al!” Pink clapped and Cali nearly fainted as the terrifying and terrifyingly short God of Death and Chickens wiggled his tail and proceeded to do the Chicken Dance.
With his hands imitating a chicken’s beak squawking, his arms flapping like the flightless bird, and his bending at the knees, making his rather pert butt and scary tail wobble to the beat of the music, the God of Death and Chickens tossed aside all pride and sense of decorum at a moments notice to make his makeshift nephew smile.
Maybe he wasn’t such a scary guy after all.
“All right!” Pink bellowed just before he ran over to stand beside his uncle, leaving the chickens to ineffectually hump at each other and the stone throne, his long pink skirt twitching as he too began to dance.
Cali, her sexual desire languishing unto death, watched her lover descend to the level of a two year old, pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt another major headache coming on.
But she had to admit, Punk and Uncle Al looked rather cute wiggling and clapping together, doing that stupid inane dance.
Too bad the rest of his family was not like his mother’s side, and she included Al in that group because he was engaged to Chaos.
She sat up in her chair, her head tilting to the side as she recalled that, yes, death was engaged to be married to Chaos.
She groaned as she felt the fates laugh, those capricious bitches! She knew, just knew, that somehow this little visit was going to turn her little ordered world around once again.
All too soon the music stopped and Alothos once again took to his throne, this time with a guest as Pink situated himself neatly in the shorter man’s lap.
“Uncle Al,” he all but purred, stroking his fingers through the man’s long hair, mussing his designer suit. “I missed you so much! And I have so much to tell you. This is my boss/lover/bond-mate Cali. She kicked dad out of her office, and then she kicked Peace out of her office, and pissed off all her daughters, and got cursed to never know love, and got Mom all happy, and made her curse love and Peace and her daughters, and helped me grow closer to actual Sprite-hood, and knows En, and….
“Enough young one,” Al laughed, seeming to follow along the conversation easily enough. “Take time to breath! And it had been a while since I saw you. My how you have grown.”
“Yeah, I’m earning my wings,” he grinned as both men turned to leer at Cali.
“What?” she snapped, not looking to look on either man’s faces.
And they had better pray to God that they were not contemplating a threesome! A man with wings was one thing, but a tail was quite another. And looking at the man she knew just where he would probably stick that damn thing and it looked just to big for that!
“Kicked Love out on his ass, huh?” Al chuckled. “I wish I could have seen that!”
“It was disturbing Uncle Al. He said such rotten things–”
“About you, of course,” Al growled, his purple eyes glowing red for a moment.
“Yes, but Cali stood up to him. And later, we had a conversation.”
“You and Love?”
“Yeah, I defied him,” Pink crowed proudly. “I told him I was not going back to his home and that I was not about to leave Cali. He went away, but he is still lingering around somewhere. He never goes far, but he is not about to go against Mom and touch Cali. She is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”
“Do tell,” Al peered at her, considering her as he urged his nephew to continue.
“Yeah, she fills a void, Uncle Al. And I want to be a better man just by being around her.”
Pink shot Cali a small smile, love fairly glowing in her eyes.
“And she made me a reporter, well a columnist for the lovelorn, actually.”
“Lovelorn…right.”
“Oh,” Pink breathed, patting his uncle on the chest. “Uncle Al….”
Even the chickens seemed to pout at this point, pausing in their humping of inanimate objects to glance sadly at their master, understanding in their beady little black eyes.
“So, give me some advice, kid?” Al suddenly smiled, his yes sparkling as they took in the man in his lap. “And you might want to move. You are not as light as you once were. And what’s with the skirt, charming as it is.”
“Oh,” Pink hopped off his Uncles lap and grinned as he settled the layers of chiffon and lace around his hips. “Cali likes it. She calls it my easy access clothing. Sometimes she calls it the Afternoon Lunch Outfit too, but I am generally the one doing the eating.”
“Pink!” Cali shrieked, her eyes going wide as her face exploded in color. “Some things are private!”
“But Uncle Al is family!”
“Shut up!” She squeaked, covering her face ad ready to die of embarrassment…in front of the God of Death and Chickens.
“She’s shy,” Pink whispered to his uncle, who was nodding in understanding.
“That’s what you get when you start messing with humans, nephew.”
“But she is unique,” Pink smiled. “I love her lots.”
“Well, good then,” Al smiled. “I’ll take her off the list.”
“List?” Cali reeled, dropping her hands from her face before moving around the desk, ignoring the tiny pair of purple thongs that hung around one ankle. “What list?”
“Death list, kid,” Al chuckled. “Someone has it in for you, big time. They requested one of the most heinous deaths I have ever heard of. A very creative little bastard too. So I decided to come on out and handle this personally, kill two birds with one stone, you understand?”
“Understand? Someone wants me dead?” Cali was not amused and quite a bit afraid.
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it, kid,” Al Assured. “I could never take away Pink’s happiness. You are officially off the list until nature says otherwise.”
“Huh?”
“Uncle Al as the authority to prune life garlands. You know, Cali? Cut the life short, snip the threads of fate, kill you when you least expect it! It can be quite amusing.”
“Death is amusing?”
“Well, I took him to work with me a few times,” Al chucked, reaching out to tousle Pink’s long hair. “The Council stared this bring your relative to work day thing, and I took the little scamp along. He can be really good for catching up on paperwork,” Al smirked. “So many people had heart attacks while engaging in acts of bedroom acrobatic hijinks that month. Took care of my back log, that one did.”
“And you think that that’s amusing?” Cali snapped, feeling all sorts of weird bad vibes by imagining hr lover amused by death! It was…unreal!
“Not the death,” Pink explained. “But the fact that Uncle Al can make it so that the dying don’t eve know that they died. Those were the best, when people who lived good wonderful lives passed on in their sleep or doing something that they loved. They never saw death coming so they were never scared or frightened. Most of Uncle Al’s work leaves them with a smile on their faces or with a light heart as their lives pass before their eyes and they realize that it was a good full life.”
“Yeah, those are my specialties,” Al snickered. “But from time to time, I am called upon to take a more…dangerous and not as pleasant approach to death.”
All amusement left his eyes and his whole face seemed to ice over. In seconds his whole demeanor chanted and he was no longer the benign uncle amusing his nephew. Just the look in his eyes changed him into some terrifying monster that could suck the soul out of a person without batting an eyelash.
Then just as quickly though, the smile was back.
“But those are rare and special occasions. My minions are specialized so that they handle the rough stuff unless it is a special case. And someone tired to make you a special case, my dear.”
Cali gulped, then paled as she blindly groped at the desk behind her. When she felt good hard wood, she plopped her ass down and then just stared at Alothos. Someone wanted her dead. This was not good. What had she done anyway? Who would desire her death?
“But never fear,” Al smiled. “Because you mean so much to Pink, you are off the list. No one will be allowed to, you know,” he waggled his hand in front of his face, “Practice obscene things on certain parts of you anatomy…. Or they answer to me!” His eyes flashed bright red for a second, and then they became that cheerful inviting black on purple again.
“I need a drink,” Cali muttered making her way back to her seat and her precious desk drawers, which now held an emergency supply of the Fey understating and coping liquid, otherwise known as Vodka.
“So, what was you other job,” Pink asked, not even fearing for Cali as Uncle Al said she would not die anytime soon and no one ever stepped so much as a toe out of line when Uncle Al laid down his law. “Another death or is it chicken related?”
Pink was now all business, the obligatory familial welcoming sqee out of the way.
“Chickens can be related to death, Pink. Don’t forget the Bird Flu pandemic.”
“Oh,” Pink nodded. “You quite caused a scare with that one.”
“Full fledged pandemics are rare, Pink. And to create one in this day and age…and using my chickens too! It was a boon, I tell you. Got those Conservatives off of their rumps and made them start thinking about some new medical vaccines. So concerned about their expense accounts…” he grumbled, his deep voice trailing off.
“You job, Uncle Al?” Pink asked, not wanting his Uncle to get lost again in human politics. It would take that man forever to stop grumbling about the paperwork.
“Oh. Yeah,” he looked sheepish for a moment then collected himself. “I am here to claim my groom!”
“Great!” Pink absolutely beamed. “Does En know that you are here?”
“No,” Al pouted, slouching a little. “But I tracked his tight little ass here! Its time for him to stop running! He has to take his responsibilities responsibly. Its time we complete the bonding and gives me an heir.”
“Bonding?” Cali paused in taking a huge gulp out of her precious fey understanding bottle and wondering if she had time to run to the bar for a few one-shot shorties.
“Heir?” Pink gaggled, his eyes wide as he stared at Alothos in shock.
“Yes, bonding and heir. Entropy and I have been engaged for centuries. It is time for me to make an honest fae of him. He’s been running wild long enough.”
“Bonding?” Cali repeated, this time a picture of the irrepressible enigmatic…tall High Lord of Chaos leg-shackled to the shorter, yet obviously more dangerous male. She shook her head again. It just didn’t add up!
“Heir?” Pink wailed this time as he raced to the side of the shorter white haired male. “Uncle Al, is there something wrong? Is your name on a list? Are you sick? Are you being…demoted?!”
“Calm down, Pink,” Alothos smiled, reaching out to pull the slightly taller man to his chest, hugging him close to calm him. “There is nothing wrong with me. I just feel that it’s time to start a family. I’ve been alone for so long and Peep and Cluck aren’t the only company I like to keep.”
“Peep and Cluck?” Cali snorted, string at the chickens from hell. Yeah, all things considered Peep and Cluck weren’t too bad of names for mutant poultry. She raised her bottle high, in their honor of course, and took another swig.
“Is that all?” Pink asked, wrapping his arms around the man and squeezing him tight. “I don’t think I could stand it if anything ever happened to you.”
“That is all,” Al smiled, gripping Pink by the shoulders and pushing the Urban Sprite back so that he could get a good look at him. “If there was something wrong, I would tell you. You would be the first to know, kid. You are like a son to me.”
“I’m glad.” Pink sighed, the tight muscles in his face relaxing.
“That is why I am going to need your help.”
“Here we go,” Cali nodded. “So what do you need him for? He can’t lust dust his brother, it won’t work. And if you want advice in catching a run away groom, I think you would be better off consulting an astrophysics professor. They teach whole classes on the theory of chaos.”
“Oh I have the theory,” Al leered. “Now I need to institute the practice.”
“And you need my help how?” Pink asked, tiling his head to the side and observing his uncle.
“I need to find out where he is.”
“I don’t know,” Pink mused. “Maybe Cali– She and Chaos have a wonderful working relationship and get along fine together. They just seem to connect with each other.”
Cali snorted into her bottle, rolling her eyes at the fae and at the fates in general. “Yeah,” she mumbled. “He always seems to hang around, causing trouble and poking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“Good,” Al smiled.
“Good?” Both Cali and Pink piped up at the same time.
“Yes,” Al smirked. “That’s all I wanted to know. I’ll just hang around here–”
“What?” Cali slammed the bottle of ninety proof fae understanding on her desk, noting absently that the room was starting to do a wonderful welcoming swirly kind of dance. But that wasn’t important right now. She shook her head and got back to the matter at hand. “Here?”
“Here,” Al continued, ignoring the interruption. “And when he pops back in, I’ll snag him.”
“Yeah!” Pink clapped, obviously delighted to have this favored uncle stop in for a visit, and indefinite visit.
“But–but,” Cali stammered. “But that would take weeks!”
“Months,” Al sighed. “Yeah I know! Months. Maybe even years!”
“Years?” Cali wanted to cry.
“Years,” Al stated. “So we don’t have much time.”
“Time?”
“Stop parroting me,” Al shook his head, rolling his eyes at the oddness of humans. “Do they always do that?” he asked Pink who was viciously nodding his head.
“Sometimes they do it for hours. It takes a bit to find out how to turn them off, but I find a good orgasm usually works.”
“Hmm,” Al mused. “I must keep that in mind. Orgasms you say?”
“Orgasms, and multiples especially. You usually get what you want without a fight if you give them multiples every night. Especially the women.”
“That may make my job easier, kid,” Al nodded, and then turned to smile at Cali.
“Oh no!” she snorted, pushing blindly reaching for her bottle of fae understanding and discovering that there were only dregs left in the bottle. Didn’t she just buy that yesterday? Shrugging, she dove back into the drawer, pushing aside the extra large vibrator of frustration, the clit tickler of devastation, and the vibrating panties of damnation that Pink insisted on giving her, and reached for a brand new bottle of Fae Fortitude, commonly known as whisky. “One of you in my bed is enough!”
“Little Cali,” Al chuckled. “I can’t sleep with a human. Their bodies could never take the passions I unleash. If I lost control with you, there wouldn’t be enough left to sweep up and put in a broiling pan. I never give ‘little deaths’, Cali. I specialize in the big ones.”
Cali gulped at that, gulped again as his eyes began to swirl a beautiful purple, pink, and red. The man had presence that was for sure. And the way he moved– that bulge in his tailored pants… She shook her head vigorously, breaking all eye contact with him, her face flushing. What was she thinking about her lover’s uncle while he was standing in the room! She was such a slut!
“I am such a slut,” Cali’s eyes snapped open as she stared in horror at the two men. Had she actually said that out loud?
“Nah.” Pink giggled. “Just human. I mean, who do you know that can resist a little death?”
Both Cali and Al groaned at that.
“My short stature aside,” he rolled his eyes at his nephew, “I will be staying here until I find my bonded mate.”
“Uh unh,” Cali pouted. There were enough fae in the office as is! And she didn’t have any more closets!
“Uh huh,” Al smiled back.
“No,” Cali muttered, wondering how her bottle of fae fortitude would up half empty. She could have sworn she just opened up that damn thing.
“Yes,” Al smiled again.
“I said no,” Cali snapped, ignoring Pink’s head, which was rapidly shaking form side to side, as if trying to warn her off. “And I’m the boss here. There’s nothing you can do about it.”
Then before her very eyes, Uncle Al seemed to…kind of–grow.
Oh yeah, he was growing broader, longer, taller, thicker. His white hair turned a strange ash gray color and lengthened until it brushed the floor. The cell phone he kept in hand suddenly began to grow too! But it grew long and silver…and kind of sharp with the head of a cycle. Okay, the phone was now a scythe. And Al’s nice suit was growing too, getting darker until it became an all-encompassing black utilitarian cloak of death.
“You dare tell me no?” Al’s voice demanded, for it was Al’s voice, only this time it was deeper and rather multi-tonal. She could feel the bass in that voice though the bottom of her seat and could swear that her widows began to vibrate.
Peep and cluck sat up, eyes boring into hers, once again, becoming the menacing demon poultry from hell that she first saw, saliva dripping from their fanged beaks.
“Uh,” she stammered. “Well, maybe no was too hash a word?” Then in an instant, an eye blink, faster than time itself, the dark visage of Death was gone and once again Uncle Al in his business suite was once again standing before her.
“Great!” Al smiled, showing dimples that she never knew he had. “I just love new employment opportunities.”
“But–” Cali stammered, realizing that she had been, well, had again. He had taken her off of the damn list!
“What are you going to do?” Pink asked, the color flooding back into his cheeks at Cali’s apparent safety. “I do the love column work and–”
“I can’t do that,” Al decided. “I am not good with words or emotions, you know? Its hard for me to get my point across.”
“There’s always crime….”
“Too close to my actual job, if you know what I’m saying,”
“Then how about… fashion.”
“Fashion?” Both Al and Cali squealed. “I’m with her on that one,” Al grumbled, nodding at the dumbfounded look on Cali’s face.
“Okay, then how about fetishes and the steaming underbelly of alternative fetishes in the city?”
“Hmm, fetish,” Al closed his eyes in thought.
“Fetish?” Cali wailed. “Underbelly?”
“I’ll do it!” Alothos decided suddenly. “Yes, there is a whole underground movement that is steadily becoming more mainstream. It will be my job to souse these people out, to go to their sheltered halls and let your readers know if safe sane and consensual really is safe sane and consensual.”
“Yes!” Pink clapped, nodding his head in agreement.
“And it will give me the opportunity to check out all the spots where En likes to hang out.”
“The spanking parlors of South Baltimore,” Pink clapped.
“The leather dens of someplace called Fells Point” he nodded. “I checked it on a map before coming here.”
“The Bondage shops on Read Street, like Chained Desires.”
“The alternative lifestyles information and toy shops in Hampden, like something called Sugar.”
“The bondage dungeon in DC called the Crucible.” Pink clapped at that one. “I really like that place.”
“If that will get you gone quicker,” Cali whimpered, slouching back in her chair. This lunch had not gone exactly as planned.
But then again there was a pink bundle of lace and hair in her lap as Pink spun her chair around, dropped to his knees to lay his head in her lap.
“Thank you, Cali,” his breath hot against the sensitive flesh of her groin. Oh yeah, her secretly donned panties were around her ankle and her lover was inching up her skirt again. Things were looking up.
“Go and–” she stuttered to the very amused God of Death and Chickens. “Go and seem out some underbelly…or something,”
Her hand dropped to pink’s head as her skirt inched its way past her knees. “Yeah, go and find…” Ohh, he was licking her inner thigh! She liked that. “Um, go—souse–”
“Understood,” Al laughed and disappeared with a pop and a merry tingling of bells as Pink lifted her legs back onto the arms of the chair.
“This is where I was before,” Pink breathed, his hot breath on her swollen red labia making her skiver as her clit again took notice. “I was…” he belt low to run his tongue along her slit, greedily sucking in the essence of Calita as his tongue drove her higher into ecstasy. “…having lunch.”

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

Okay, one more until later! This is an NC17 rated Giggle worthy excerpt from Shelby the Wonder Sheep! Coming soon from Changeling Press! I love a good baaa in the morning! LOL SPEW ALERT! Can’t say I didn’t warn you! LOL

The City of Baltimore…

Known for its pristine… known for its picturesque…. know for its…. Sigh.
Okay. This narrator will endeavor to go with her policy of total honesty and pray that the readers will continue to see the fair city that she really loves, in a positive light.

The city of Baltimore!

Narrator will be ducking and dodging occasionally to avoid cell phone drivers, motorcycle trick riders, and frantic soccer moms.
Smell that city smog…air. Ah! The City! Known for its tourist traps, its expensive taxes, and the bright and colorful people who inhabit this peaceful burg.

<<<Bang! Slap! Feminine screams! Masculine Shrieks>>>

Okay, maybe not so peaceful burg, but that’s what makes it so special!

And among our more special dizens is…

“Oh—oh God!”

Um, the lady in question is suave….

“Oh yes! Call me a dirty girl! Tell me I’m your dirty girl!”

Sophisticated…

“Yes! Oh God! If you don’t make me come, you’re going to eat me till my eyeballs cave in!”

Sweet….

“Yes! I’m your bitch! I’m your bitch! Ride me like my name is Hi-Ho- Silver!”

Um… The woman in question is our one and only super hero! The incomparable…

“Oh yes!”

The irreplaceable….

“Right there! Yes, Right there!”

Shelby….

“Baaaaaa!”

Shelby the Wonder Sheep….

Chapter 1

“Bleat for me, baby,” he snarled, his long hair creating a curtain of red that blocked her view of the room.
It was his hands in her hair, tugging and pulling, which made her want to obey his orders. It was his powerful thrusts that stole her every breath. It was his sweat that was covering her back, his hot heavy balls that were banging into her clit with his every move.
It was his wooden crook that was slapping against the white flesh of her ass, driving her to buck harder, to scream louder, to give into the passion that was making her pussy tingle and her head swim!
“Baaa!” she opened her mouth and le the bleat roll down from her throat, like only she could.
It was his cock filling her so completely that the friction of his rapid thrusts almost burned. It was his teeth nibbling at her ear, his tongue licking the sting away. It was his muscular body that covered hers, making her want to submit, making the world go away, awash in a red hot glow of passion.
And…it was his parents standing horrified at the door to their bedroom.
She saw them before he did, and with a panicked squeal, more like a baa…she hiccupped, he jerked out nearly falling off the bed, there was a poof of smoke…
And the wool really began to fly.
“Author!” his mother wailed. “How could you? I got you out of the Highlands to keep you away from those…those mindless sheep!”
The small dark-skinned red haired woman screamed as she beat at her chest with both fists, tears running down incredibly large brown eyes.
“Oh God,” her voice wailed, her Scottish accent more than pronounced as she backed out of the room. “What will the girls at the flower club say? I was the only one who didn’t have a boy addicted to…to…. Oh God! I can’t bear to repeat it!”
She turned and fled, her screeching sobs filling the vacuum that her abrupt departure created.
Leaving behind the dad, who stood there, his mouth hanging open in amazement, before he moved closer to his son.
He eyed the pale quivering shanks that his son desperately tired to cover with his body as he mean walked around the bed, examining the situation from all angles before giving his soon a queer grin.
“Nice piece of sheep, Son,” he chuckled, leering in a way that no father should ever gaze at his son. “Your grandfather always had the same eye for a nice plump rump. He always said that sheep was good pussy too.”
And with that, the man exited, no doubt chasing after scandalized wife.

“Why me?” Arthur’s deep heavily accented voice sighed as he carefully pulled at what had to be the mother of all wilted erections at stared balefully at the body of his companion. “They are gone, Shelby. I guess its safe to come back now, though I have no idea what my parents are going to say when they recover from the shock.”
His answer was s small pitiful bleat, for in that form that was all Shelby could manage.
You see, Shelby had the distinct honor of being a super hero, well heroine actually. She was a defender of peace, the lover of her sidekick, Arthur the Heard Boy with his Crook of Justice and his muscles of might and…. “Baaaa!” the only known were-sheep in North America.
Her large black eyes stared balefully at her lover, as if tying to apologize, but he was shaking his head, mute acceptance in his eyes. It was all part of being the lover of a were-sheep, a nervous were-sheep who had no one to teach her to use her powers correctly.
As a result whenever she got nervous or scared…or just plain had a case of the hiccups, she could transform into…“Baaaa!”, a hawking huge white woolly sheep.
“Baaa!”
“I know,” Arthur sighed, reaching over to run his fingers thought her soft fluffy hair. “I didn’t expect them either.”
Author, the heard Boy also had another power, the ability to speak to any pack of heard animal and actually understand when they responded. It wasn’t a really truly useful power, but it sometimes came in handy. Like right now, when he was trying to comfort his distraught girlfriend after this first disastrous meeting with his parents.
Shelby snuggled in closer, pouting, her huge black eyes leaking huge crystalline tears.
After a few seconds of petting and…scritching, there was a soft poof, a flash of white, and Shelby’s pale hide was once again made of soft human skin.
“I’m sorry!” she sniffled, kicking his Crook of Justice ™ and various lubes and dildos off the bed in an effort to climb deeper into his heavily muscular body. “I—t—tried and…and then th—they… and….”
“Shh,” he soothed. “We will deal with it. They had to learn our secrets sometimes.”
“That you are a closet perve who likes anal penetration as long as it’s a female doing it?”
“Uh, no.” He chose to ignore his blush.
“That you are strange cause you date chunky white girls?”
“Darlin,” he drawled. “In case you haven’t noticed, I am a Black Scotsman with curly red hair. I don’t think you can get more strange than that. And you are not chunky. You are perfection, my love. Enough curves to keep a man happy and coming back for more.”
“Oh.” She sniffled. “That I shed?”
“No, Darlin’” he chucked, “I was thinking about the secret where you turn into a sheep and try to fight crime?”
“Oh,” she sniffled, running her hands over his hard body, loving how her hands just slid over his sweat shined body. “What do you mean try?”
Arthur froze for a moment, before tossing her back on the bed, amongst the remaining discarded set toys, and jammed his tongue down her throat.
He may be a sidekick, but Arthur was no fool. Now was not the time to get into her, um, superhero proclivities.
Now was a time for fucking any thought from her mind and picking off where they left off when they were so rudely interrupted.
“Where were we?” he asked, lapping down her neck, caressing her sides, letting his thumbs settle beneath her full breasts.
“Baaa,” she bleated, and once again, all was right with their world.

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized

Birthday Excerpt number 2 ~ *g*~

Second BirthDay excerpt… Remember Pink the Urban Sprite of Lust? How about his bigger brother Entropy? Guess who is popping in to pay a visit in late April?! *G* Here is an unedited bit from Gray. Not responsible for spiting drinks over the keyboards in laughter! LOL

Gray

“I am Alotohs, god of death and chickens! I have returned!”
“Mmm, yeah, baby. Touch me there!”
“I said I am Alotohs, god of death and chickens! I have returned!”
“God, Pink! Touch me harder, harder you big pink fucker! Push a finger in! Eat it till there ain’t no more!”
“I am– for gods sake, people! Can you stop this office free-for-all-fuck and pay attention?”
Cali shot up in her chair dislodging her lover with a faint, “But I’m still hungry, Cali,” her fingers leaving the deep groves in the top of the back support of her plush leather executive chair. She tried to force her eyes to focus somewhere in the vicinity of an annoying sound–
“Cali!” came the complaining voice from underneath her desk, “I was not done yet! I get an hour for lunch and I still have plenty of cherry flavored whipped cream left! Now spread your legs, Chief, the clock is ticking!”
“Pink,” Cali called, her voice reedy with amazement, “I think you need to see this–.”
“But I like the view here.”
“Pink!”
A pastel pink head popped up, pushing her chair back even more as the damn near perfect body rose from beneath the depths of the this under- the-table dining room, placing his lovers legs back on the arms of the chairs.
“Callie!” Pink growled. “I was about to go for the brass ring! And then I was going to rim you before I got my dick all wet with–Sweet Tatiana!”
“Huh?” Callie was still a bit dumbfounded by what she was seeing, so much so that she never even noticed that one breast with its reddened nipple was on display over top of her most favorite bra– or that the red flavored popsicle that Pink was using as a makeshift dildo had fallen to her newly installed extra plush beige carpeting.
“Holy Crap!” he gasped.
Holy crap indeed, because there in the middle of Calita’s office was nothing short of a phenomenon of ultra ridiculous reasoning, a disaster of idiotic universal proportions.
There was a huge stone throne decorated with the yellowing sun bleached skulls of the apparently conquered. It stood cold and massive radiating nearly visible waves cold and fear. Chained before it, complete with spiked metal collars around their necks, scratching and snorting steam were two huge gargoyle-like chickens of pit bull proportions pulling guard duty. There were several tall candelabra surrounding it, burning black and purple candles that emitted the smell of lavender and coconut. From somewhere, a low menacing soundtrack played, adding a touch of the macabre to his gothic scene. And seated on the throne the likes of which had never been seen by mortal eyes sat– a short white haired man with glasses, wearing an Armani business suite and holding a cell phone in one hand.
“Now,” he intoned, a Berry White voice coming from his small conservatively dressed man, “that I have you attention, I am here to inform you that I have returned, and I seek what is rightfully mine.”
“Um…who exactly are you?” Cali managed to gasp out knowing that somehow Pink had to be responsible. Of all the things she had endured since making the acquaintance of since her lover, this had to be one of the most absurd and freaky. “Again?”
“Alotohs! Alothos! Alotohs! God of Death and Chickens here! Gods, are you people deaf as well as oversexed?”
“Um, sorry?” Cali offered as she dropped her legs and tired to straighten out her skirts as Pink fully emerged from under his desk, his cock still slightly erect and hanging from underneath the folds of his bunched up lace and tulle skirt.
“As you very well should be, human! You are holding up progress here!”
“Oh!” Pink suddenly clapped, “I remember you! Uncle Al!” “As you should, little sprite,” the man sighed running one delicate looking hand thought his long white hair. Funny, but that long oddly colored hair should have made a joke out of that custom made suit, but it didn’t. The color combination made him look more like a spokes model for Calvin Kline’s next strange ad campaign.
“You are Al! Big Al! Unckie Al! What are you doing here?”
Pinks Wings began to flutter in joy as he bounced in his place, his pink eyes shining in delight.
“Pink,” Cali asked, tugging his skirt into place over the relaxing bulge of his dick. “Who exactly is that?”
“This is Uncle AL!” Pink cheered, pointing and making the giant chickens peck and growl in displeasure.
“Al?” Cali asked again, face wrinkled up in confusion.
“Alotohs!” The man screamed. “God of death and chickens and about to add impatience and pigs! Don’t you people learn anything in school anymore?”
He rose to his feet and Cali discovered that the man was not only just about her height, but he was possessed of a set of massive purple and white wings and a heart tipped purple tail that swayed impatiently behind him.
“You guys are all out into color coordination,” she mused, rising to her feet, wondering where her thongs went. “And I thought I told the rest of your family to make an appointment to see you, Pink? Will these surprise visits never end?”
“Oh,” Pink explained. “Al is not really family, Chief, though he is an Uncle to me.”
“He’s not?”
“God of death and destruction, as if you didn’t hear me the first five times I’ve screamed it!” the man snapped, his eyes, strange solid black orbs with a purple pupil, narrowing in anger. Small flashes of electricity snapped around him and the air seemed to still, as if anticipation of a good slaughter.
“So if he ain’t family, then who is he?” Cali stared at the man, snapping chickens in all, and suddenly for the first time, and felt a small bit of apprehension. She really wished she could find her foundation garments. This was looking more serious than his family’s usual shenanigans.
“He’s Chaos’ betroved.” Pink bounced faster, sending a faint sprinkling of dust into the air.
“Oh,” Cali slowly shook her head; trying to ignore the headache she could feel brewing. “Okay, so why is he here?”
“Oh,” Pink stopped bouncing and looked over at the irate male. “Why are you here Uncle Al?”
“About time you remembered me,” the man groused, slumping back into his chair. “And I am here because it is time.”
“Oh,” Pink murmured, and then grinned. “Oh! Great! I love mating!”
“Mating?” Cali snapped. Whom… what the hell is going on?”
“Uncle Al is here to get married!”
“Married?” Calita sank into her seat, oddly enough mimicking Uncle Al in his chair, before opening her drawer to look for her stash of aspirin. “Okay. I can deal with that. Marriage is normal. Who is getting married?”
“Uncle Al!” Pink rolled his eyes, “Weren’t you listening, Cali?”
“Who is he marrying?” Cali snapped, shoving aside some condoms, some lube, and several small containers of ginseng as well as several pairs of spare underwear. Great. She needed some. Now if she could discreetly slip a pair on–
“Entropy! Chaos is getting married!” Pink looked exasperated. “I just said that. Listen to me. En is getting hitched!”

Somewhere in Manhattan, a flock of sheep appeared out of nowhere to clog up traffic. An ice sculpture in Boston depicting birds in flight came to life and headed south for the winter in April– despite the threat of melting. In the Atlantic Ocean a shark about to feast on an unaware surfer suddenly decided that sea weed would be a much more nutritious choice and while there in Baltimore, a bunch of Maryland Blue Crabs revolted and began to steam the fisherman who was trying to catch them. In of the nations capitol, several state’s senators joined AA and somewhere in the Midwest, a scientist just on the brink of discovering cold fusion and solving the nations energy crisis suddenly decided to create a light beer that not only was less filling, but actually tastes great.
And in his bed in the middle of limbo, Entropy jerked upright in his bed, waking up in a cold fearful sweat. “Feels like someone walking over my grave,” he shuddered, before snuggling back down with a plump and cushy were-sheep named Shelby.

“God,” Cali whimpered as he slouched further down in her seat, “I hate Mondays.”

By flashycat1 Posted in Uncategorized