Hump day Hump! Teasing nc 17

here we are, part to  of Pirate vs Ninja! I am such a tease! LOL Who is keeping score?



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Jay stared down at the woman who had come so beautifully on his tongue.


She was hot.


There was no doubt about that. With her brown eyes and blond hair, she was a unique specimen in the dive that he frequented.


Amidst the dunks and the whores, she stood out like a disco ball.


And when had drunkenly stumbled up to her and made his half assed comment, she looked him up and down before giving him a grin that had his dick saluting.


He was going to play off his rudeness at first, but damn it, he had just completed a job. He had earned this little break.

He and the crew of the As You Wish had just taken on a Russian ship filled with yellow cake uranium. Yellow cake in its incomplete state was harmless, But with the right additives, it was the perfect fuel for Nuclear Bombs. And Yellow cake in the right hands could mean big bucks for the person who brought it in.


And Jay was that person.


The Russian ship was not expecting the mirror shielding or the advanced radar jammers that had made sneaking up on the weapon bound ship a treat.


Boarding it after he blasted a whole the size of a Buick in the hull was even easier. The crew reacted generously for having over fifty men armed with laser targeting armor piecing, tumbling razor claw bullets pointed in their direction. Or it could have been the manned rail guns that had locked on to the engines and their own cache of bombs.


Transfer of the yellow cake was smooth, the contact with the investors went smoothly, and he was up over twenty million after he paid his crew. Getting drunk was the natural thing to do.


And then this little vixen fell into his hands.


Life was perfect.


He was staring down at her with her legs spread and those perfect tits just bounding there.


And then she did something that mad him grip the tip and base of his dick to stop him from spewing all over that perfect little body.


“Fuck me.”


“Damn,” he moaned, closing his eyes for a second before he backed off to look for a condom. Not that he thought she got around or anything, but fuck, a man couldn’t be too careful.


But she moved, she shifted and before he could blink, she was holding a small black packet in her hands.


“”You want some of this?” She parted her legs and ran on finger over her clit before sliding it into her pussy.


“What do you think?” he asked, rolling his eyes and drooling at the same time. It was damn hard to try and play it cook when his little head was doing its best to take over and give her a pearl necklace the likes of which she had never received.


“Then wrap it,” she snapped and hurled the package at him.


He caught it instinctively but damn, she had an arm on her! She sent he packing whizzing like a weapon and it almost hurt when he caught it.


But she had handed him the key to burying himself inside her pussy so who was he to argue?


It took seconds to peel the wrapping off and slide the thin sheath down his dick.


But then she was on her knees, crawling to him before he even knew she had moved. The bitch was fast.


“Nice,” she putted and he felt his spine tingle as her small hand wrapped around his dick.


Her hands weren’t soft but they were not too hard either. And the way she was licking her lips.

“Can you hold out?” she asked, and before he could answer the hot cavern of her mouth was covering his head.


“Damn, girl!” he gasped, his hands burying themselves in her hair as she began to get some tongue action working. He could feel it even over the thin condom and suddenly he realized how blessed he really was.


One of her hands dropped low to cup his balls and give them a little tug that made his ties curl.


He felt his head drop back on his shoulders and a loud growl rolled up from his throat as he shifted his hips a little.


“Oh yeah,” she pulled off long enough to say. “Fuck my face.”


“Did I tell you I love you?” he damn near whimpered before she moved forward and she coughed once before swallowing him down until her hand fisted at his base stopped her.


She giggled and the vibrations made his eyes cross.


He pulled back and thrust forward, sinking into that silken wet heat. And damn if she wasn’t begging for more.


So he moved until he got a good rhythm, felling amused as the spit ran from her mouth and the loud slurping noised filled the room. He could feel his ass clench as he moved forward and ease as he pulled back, throughly enjoying this pick up.


The girl was talented and she was hot, and she was all for him.


He ran his hands over her scalp, soothing and encouraging without giving into his need to grip her head and fuck her face like there was no tomorrow.


Instead, he trailed his hands over her face, his thumbs caressing her ears and smiling as she began to hum.


“God, I haven’t felt anything like that in years,” he muttered, bending over her to observe her ass swinging form side to side as she got into her work.


And a ass like that deserved some attention.


He reached down and gave each rounded cheek a squeeze. The suction increased so he figured that she really was enjoying that. So he began to kneed and run and slide his fingers down her crack.


“Peachy ass,” he joked, running a ringer over her asshole and grinning as she slowed for a moment before beginning again with far more enthusiasm than before.


He was not stupid enough o even stick a finger there. He was unsure of her reaction and he would rater not have his dick bitten off, but he ringed it and made it twitch.


He was just getting into fingering her when she pulled back with a pop.


He sat up and stared down at her grinning face, her lips red and swollen from her feasting his dick, her eyes glittering like diamonds.


Then she leered.


“Are you sure its going to fit?”


Oh yeah, he was defiantly in love.


Sam Cheever’s Halloween Contest!

Announcement: Go Trick or Treating with your Favorite Authors! Sam Cheever is sponsoring her fourth annual Trick or Treating Bash on a street near you! The street is inexplicably filled with some of your favorite authors and they will be waiting by the door with tricks and treats for you. The lucky winner gets a Halloween Bag with a Kindle e-reader in it, books, assorted candy, and other wonderful prizes from the authors who live on Sam’s street. To play, visit Sam’s Halloween Contest page at from October 24th through October 31st for instructions and to get started. Only one trip down the street per contestant and you must be at least 18 to play! Come and join the fun and play for a chance to win a Kindle and a bag of goodies. You might be surprised to learn who lives on Sam’s street!

Tomorrow Night, I will be Doin’ it After Dark!

Hello, my lovelies! *g*

Guess what I will be doing this Sunday night form 9-11pm?

Yours truly will be a guest on the late night talk show Doin’ It After Dark.

BLuv and Bella have gone crazy and asked me to be a special guest! So please come on by if you can and catch the show. We will be talking all things erotica, I will be giving away a book or two, and there will be lots of surprises in store.

So come on down and check us out at on this Sunday night from 9-11! I promise, it will be worth your time! *g*


Hump day Humpage…

A little late, but here we go! The first part of a Hump day Hump Series, Pirate Vs Ninja, A love story in sec scenes! LOL

And away we go!




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Pirate Vs Ninja, a love tale told in Sex



“You have nice boobs….”


How was that a pick up line that worked?


Liza shook her head at her own sorry self as she stared down at the stubbly face that lay next to her on the pillows of the cheap hotel in Miami.


She was sent here to do a job, not to lay the first good-looking idiot that spoke the apparently raunchy magic words to her libido.


But at least he was fun, she decided. Just the thing to help kill the adrenalin rush that had her all but vibrating in the aftermath of a good kill.


And it was a good kill.


She had no idea what the asshole did, but her clan had been chosen to eliminate the bastard and they sent her.




She got a trip to Miami and that bastard was eliminated but good.


Strangulation was one of the most personal ways to kill someone and Liza felt like getting up close and personal with her mark. Sometimes it took a little close quarter action to really make you feel alive.


And the icing on the cake was the romp with the thick headed thick cocked man who tired to pick her up in the same bar where she completed her previous assignment. She took him up on his offer because, well for one he was kind of cute in that dorky nerd sexy way. And second, he was an easy alibi of someone came looking.


So she had followed the five o’clock shadow and the nice head of curly brown hair to the cheap hotel room and proceeded to blow his mind.


“God yes,” he had moaned when she slammed him against the closed room door and went to work on his pants. “Its eagerness that I respect.”


“Shut up.” She gasped, looking up at him with deep blue eyes that had been filled with hunger and elation.


It took seconds for her to loosen his clothing enough to yank his pants to his knees.


“Oh yeah,” she breathed; her eyes on the thick cock that sprang form his jeans. “Commando with enough dick to make this worth my while.”


He had nodded, his long fingered hands running through her blonde hair. “You are such a fucking lady.”


“You don’t know the half of it,” she replied, finding her groin grow juicy with the thought of riding the thick piece of meat he so prettily present to her. She licked her lips the scarlet color glistened around full lips that his eyes were glued to.


“Oh yeah,” he managed before she bent low and swallowed him whole, making him slam his head back against the door as a low rumbling groan flowed from his parted lips.


She bobbed her head, letting her lips play along his ridges and bumps, pulling her mouth back to tease his slit with the very tip of her tongue.


His cock shined in the pale light of the hotel lamps, slicked up and glistening with her saliva. It Pulsed hit and heave beneath her hand, the soft batch of puck curls at its base making her shudder as she imagined the feel of it rubbing against her sex.


He smiled and tasted do good, like hot mush and a tinge of the sea. Her fingers trailed done between her spread thighs, pressing against her clit thought her panties and rubbing it in circles, making her body quiver as her one caresses brought her close to a damp climax.



“Gonna come,” he gasped but her grip around the base of his cock saw to it that his hard on stayed nice and hard.


“Not yet, you bastard,” she all but growled rising to her feet.


Then his hands here in her hair, pulling her lose and slamming his mouth onto hers.


She expected a sloop drunk kiss, but what she got as a hot demanding exploration of her mouth. She moaned as his tinge dance din hers, running along her gums, caressing her teeth, and inviting her tong to come out and play.


He pulled his tongue for her mouth, hers chasing it as the kiss was given a new dimension as the cool air if the room cooled them before he sucked hers deep into his mouth.


His hands were not idle either. The framed her face, his thumbs caressing her jaw line, before the wrapped around her neck. They tinged for a moment, sending a shock of sex-drenched fear though her, before continuing to trail upwards, tangling into the waves of her thick brown hair.


“God, you are so hot,” he muttered, before he buried his face in her neck, sucking at the skin, biting at it, sending shivers down her spine as he marked her as if she was his own.


“Bed,” she managed, her body shuddering under his oral assault. “Bed now!”


Then he surprised her again, easily lifting he weight his hands cupping her ass.


She wrapped both legs around his narrow waist as he began to move. Laughing darkly, he thrust his are cock against the wet material of her thin underwear as her dress rolled up to her waist, exposing her ass to his cropping hands.


He moaned as his thick length ran teasingly against her opening, the broad head of his dick kissing her clit thought silk and cotton.


She let out a squeal as he tossed her onto her back, her body bouncing on the bed. But before she could protest much, he was spreading hr thighs and burring his face between her thighs,


“I hope you don’t mind brush burn,” he growled before those wide thumbs and ling fingers pushed aside the material of her panties’ crotch and with a deep throated sigh, he buried his face in her pussy.


“Kami-sama!” she screamed her legs curling up around his head, her heels digging into his shoulders and her hands fisted within his curls. “Don’t stop, you bastard! Don’t you fucking stop!”


And he wasn’t. His tinge invaded her body, his nose pressing against her clit a he licked and sucked at her with obvious and vocal enjoyment.


She was so wet…. She could feel his fingers slipping as her juices saturated her panties.


“Off!” she finally screamed, needing a deeper contact! “Off right now!”


The rip of her panties only added to her anticipation. The cost of such things meant nothing when they were shielding her form such pleasure that his sucking mouth, his lapping tongue, and his nipping teeth was delivering. And then his thumbs were spreading her labia wide, exposing the bundle of nerves hooded under her clit.


“Oh yes. So pretty,” he purred, one finger petting her as he hips thrust ups and twitched on the bed. “Like a pretty pearl,”


“Suck it!” she demanded, loosing herself in the passion that was leaving her body drenched in lust as she tore down the collar of her tank dress and pinched her own nipples hard. “Now!”


“Aye-aye,” he muttered before he lowered his mouth and sucked hard.


His mouth felt scalding hot. Liza threw back her head and screamed, her fingers tearing at his hair again before they frantically traveled down his the side of his head to touch the cold metal of an earring in hi left ear.


She felt her body tensing, her peak rising and knew very soon the first of her many orgasm of the night would play out.


“God yes,” he moaned, slurping and nursing her clit harder, thrusting two fingers deep inside her and Liza went off!


“Coming!” she screamed, squeezing his head between her thighs. “God, I’m coming!”


And then he was moving up, his face shiny with her juices as he licked his lips, one hand stroking his cock as he watched her with deep brown eyes.


“You ready to get fucked or what?”


Suddenly, he didn’t sound as drunk as he appeared before.


And oddly enough, that pleased Liza. Maybe she could get more than a quickie out of the bastard before she killed him or cut him free.


Yes, this was shaping up to be a very good nigh, a good night indeed.”

A PSA! Stop the sterotypes, people! Please! WAAAA!!!!

WHY, people, WHYYYYYY?????

This morning’s rant is brought to you by Avenue Q and the people who persist in making stereotypes seem like the general truth.

It started with the police, of all things.
Here I am, hot cup of tea in hand, I have been forced to stop drinking coffee by the kids. Gee, you chase one son up the street singing a made up song about video game junkies and zits while screaming I AM THE MOMMY PERSON!!! OBEY ME!!!! and the kids start giving you evil looks and running interference when you reach for a cup of joe. Sigh. Anyway, here I am, HOT TEA, grumble, in hand and I am on time! Kids in the car, 6:45, right on time, approaching my first red light, and all of a sudden, I hear sirens and see the red and blue berries of the cop car behind me.

What did I do? I mentally go thought my checklist. Seat belts on, check. Kids strapped in so tight they can barely get an inch of movement…or reach for the radio, check. Not on a cell phone or any electronic device, check. Why are they trying to pull me over?

But wait! He is not. He cuts off the guy in the lane next to me, zooms right past, guts thought the beginning of morning rush hour traffic making several cars screech to a halt and skid…and turn his lights off. Huh? Then he proceeds to continue on down the road like nothing happened, drinking his own cup of what had to be coffee, damn him! Both for the coffee and for the trick of getting past traffic. Grumble! It shocked me so bad I almost spilled hot tea all over my lap, which would have made for such a good time since I am in Mommy Morning Gear of hot liquid absorbing sweat pants, over-sized Loose-ID T- shirt sans bra, and an over-sized fleece jacket. So I am extra attractive this morning with my kitty cat ear hat, my glasses sliding down the side of my face, and my mouth hanging open in shock.

But it gets better, or worse, depending on how you look at it

Ever hear Dennis Leery’s I’m an Asshole, song? You know, I drive real slow in the ultra fast lane?
WELLLLL…. not fifteen minuets later I am on my way to drop of the first set of kids and low and behold, I get cut off my a chick in a white BMW, yapping on a cell phone, and doing her hair at the same time. This very pale, very blond bimbo almost clips the back of my car, and this almost takes out the front five seconds later to get in front of me and slam in her fucking breaks! ACK! I have to practically stand on the breaks to avoid an accent and then the ho-ho-ho proceeds…at fifteen miles a hour!

I was screaming over the music, the friggin La La La, Banana Split song, no less, STOP SETTING BACK MY SEX!!!!! But she kept going slow and then had the nerve to wave at me, like Thank you for not creaming my stupid ass with your slightly larger Ford! GRRRRR!!!!

I calm down, Malani is muttering in Japanese beside me, Baka, and shaking her head. Its bad when you make the kids call you an idiot in another language.

I shake my head, get over it, and drive on. Its going to be warm today, and the sun is rising and as I pull over to drop off the first set, we get the next stereotype. God save me form aggressive male drivers.

I have my hazards on as I pull up for a curb side drop off, and the open mouth breathing troglodyte shoots form around a corner, sees me, slams on his breaks, starts cursing and then waits. For all of three seconds. And I begin to pull out, he slams on the gas and almost side swipes me trying to get in front of me. But there is the threat of the car coming up beside us that makes his asshole slow down. But then the one on the side pulls a DL, Dennis Leery, cuts in front of me and then slows down! IS there a brotherhood of idiot male drivers? Assholes, I am thinking. I am surrounded by assholes, literally! Thusly encased, we make our way, at ten miles below the speed limit, to the next light. Malani looks over at me and stays, “Thank Goodness I won;t have my license for a while, I would have to have to drive in this.” Out of hte mouths of nearly teenaged babes.

Which of course leads to the next stereotype….Thug dud laid back, leaning to the side and whippin his whips. They call it Whipps cause you get whiplash trying to avoid the fools! OH! Cash money green, yaw! Or is it Sour apple green? Not sure but I know the fucking green machine was swerving in and out of traffic and I had to deftly maneuver at 45 mph in like a 2 second time peroid with no margin of error and not spilling the tea, to avoid his ass. And then bass booming, he cuts off, his hoodie pulled almost over his whole face. No wonder this asshole couldn’t see me and the three other cars he almost hit.

All this before I make it Downtown! OI!

This time Malani looks at me and asks if I removed the target from the back of the car or off of my forehead. I say noting. Otherwise I would make like she was the gremlin hanging onto my motorcycle and ring a bell so she would make the next pothole when I lobbed her butt out.

Of course the CD is on shuffle and the songs today just seems appropriate. The Pretenders Breaking the Concrete. Just in time to hit the new construction on the roads.

Baltimore had a rich Trolley and cab;e car tradition up until the 60’s. The cars went away, but the tracks remained. Next year, we are getting some kind of Nascar, Indy 500, pole position type of race. Why? Maybe people want to look at the pretty ships as the cars zoom around the city in circles. I don’t know, but because of this, they have to remove the tracks. And what are the roads downtown made of? You guessed it, concrete. Song appropriate.

So the workers are breaking the concrete, heavy machinery everywhere, and everybody and their grandmother has to stop and stare! WHY? Concrete is being broken. No one is setting up for the Second Coming! I was praing that some CHUD, remember those? Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers? No, CHUD…How about now? Well, i was hoping a bunch of them had decided to invade Baltimore and would drag some of those mouth breeders under the holes that the workers were making. Three traffic lights so people could stare like tourists.

And speaking of tourists, a whole boat load of them were strolling thought the streets like cars don;t hurt.

So it was wiht great pleasure that I dropped Malani off, her muttered Good luck, was not the music to my ears I needed, more like a premonition of doom if anything.

Of course my music had moved on to Weezer’s Dope Head. Yeah, I got a few lines out of that song for book titles! *g* Fag of the year that can kick your man’s ass, is one of them! LOL I am growing amused now, thinking of a plot for a book, has to be shortened to Fag of the year, and traffic leaving Downtown is not that bad. I relax and make it to I83 for my last drop off, and I am feeling good now. WEEE!!!! I make it to the on ramp, no problem. Make the three mile trip in less than 10 minuets and I got time to spare. I start blasting I LIKE THAT, and I blasted it too soon.

Why to semi’s and tractor trailers persist in trying to drive down really small streets that necessitate several back up and go forward attempts?

Three lights later, my get gas light is flashing, and the idiot finly inches his car past all the SUV’s on the road. Sterotype, Tractor Trailer drivers can be jackasses all over this one. He blocks traffic, he nearly sideswipes parked cars, and he had a confounded look on his face as to why everyone was beeping heir horns and screaming at him.

But the end is in site! I follow along behind Retardo Montabond, sorry but he was an idiot who ignored the NO TRUCK sighns…The are huge and red and white! OI! And I draw closer to my final destination.

Okay, my last rider gets dropped off in a rather affluent area near my home. HIS school is sandwiched between two private schools, a exclusive boarding school for girls and one even more exclusive for boys.

Sterotype? Oh, several. We’ll start by Rich People do what the hell they want and damn the consequences. Why else would you stop your friggin Mercedes- Benz in the middle of traffic, pop open your door, and pull out three screaming children all under the age of what had to be 8, and walk them into the school, tying up traffic on both lanes…and just roll your eyes at the people who are complaining. Whimper. Did she have to walk those kids to the moon? Talk about a DL!!!Were was the cop who used his flashers to run the light earlier? He probably would have given her ass a ticket. Honestly!

Next stereotype, rich people don;t know how to rear their kids without the intervention of a nanny, a manny, or someone to tell them, don;t let your kids do that. Otherwise why would you let a kindergartner play in traffic. I am not lying. The man stood on the curb and watched as the toddler toddled into traffic. Was I the only one slamming only breaks? Sheesh! A crossing guard made him go and get the kid. See? He had to be told to go get his kid out of traffic.

I was whimpering by this time. Even They Might be Giants playing on the speakers was not helping. I mean, Bird House in your Soul’s first line is, I’m your only friend, I;m not your only friend, but I;m a little glowing friend, but I’m not actually your friend, but I am. At that moment in time, the John’s were singing about my sanity…or common sense. Pick one cause they both were running scared and confused at that moment.

But I will move on, or I will have to tell more horror stories from Roland Park.

I get past the schools and I am on my way home! YES! Home, where I can pout out what tea hand;t splashed all over the car, and kick off my insulated hard bottom house shoes, Mommy morning look, remember? and climb under the safety of my comforter.

The rest of the trip was cake. I relaxed myself and was singing along to Anna Ng…on the IRONY! Next stereotype: Asian Drivers. WHY, Lord WHY! This tiny little Asian thing in a Tiny little Fit decides he cant wait for the car in front of her to move up a foot, so she drives over the curb.

Let me explain something about the Fit. The Fit is go, all right. It is so go I can put two in my living room and have them go without hitting each-other. It is a sub compact of the highest degree. They run great, wonderful millage, but they are really tiny! Last winter, in the snow storms, after the first one wet past, we lost my neighbors Fit…until Malani tripped over the snow covered curb and found it!! This is not the car in which you try to jump a curb. But she tried. The Fit almost went up on two wheels, like a circus performer (The fit is small enough for a clown car) or a stunt double on The Dukes of Hazards. Which was scary and amusing…but she came within millimeters of hitting, I no exaggeration mean millimeters, of hitting the Caddie in front of her. And she didn’t even stop to check! She had a hair brush in one hand, getting to the RED TURNING LIGHT obviously on her mind, and no fear in her heart. Cause it was one of those Old School Playa’s who stopped in the middle of traffic, opened up his door, and got out to investigate what she had done.

She must have scratched his car or something, cause after closely examining the car, one who lights worth of examining, did I mention I was less than a mile from home at this point?, cause he climbed back in, hit the gas, and went gunning after the small Asian chick. Anna Ng and I are getting old, and we still haven;t walked glow of each others  majestic presence, my ass! Anna Ng was about to get her booty smacked with a sue case! I didn’t want to see the judicial blood shed so I drove on by as Irate man was knocking on oblivious Asian girls window, notebook in hand and cell phone to ear.

It was with great joy that I pulled up in front of my house and killed the engine…right as the Avenue Q song, Everyone’s a little Bit Racist Sometimes, came on. IRONY, oh the irony! Especially  as they were singing about how stereotypes are based on fact. WHimper!

So, I dedicate this day to Dennis Lerry, Asshole

To The Pretenders Break up the Concrete

They Might be Giants Anna Ng and Birdhouse in your Soul

The DIckies Banna Splits

To Richard Vission and Static Revenger I like that


To Downtown Baltimore and Petula Clark Downtown

And I have to beg of the people I had to deal with this morning, STOP PERPETUATING THE MYTH! Please! Do it NOw! DO it NOW! Or…at least catch a clue before I have to get back on the roads with you tomorrow morning! Sniffle!

Flash, in hiding!

Have You Been Flashed?

Stephanie Burke